Hair...

Why is it that hair is such a part of my identity?? When I was a blonde, it didn't last very long because I felt like I wasn't myself. It's just dead follicles.... But right now, because I haven't dyed it since shaving my head over the summer, it's my natural color. And though most people are fine with that, and some people have told me they like my natural color, it's just NOT ME. Every week it's either I'm obsessed with bleaching it out and toning it to a lovely silvery gray, or I want it the regular black that I've been doing for years. I think I'm just addicted to being able to change it... and all of a sudden I have stage fright to do anything to it, because I'm trying to grow it out.


This picture was from last winter, when my friend Heather went black for a moment with some blonde at the front... and she changed it back to pure blonde almost immediately because it wasn't her... I had some sort of black fringe around the edges, and I didn't mind it...

I think my fascination with short hair is that I relate it to attitude and non-conformity.... EVERYONE has long hair. Plus, considering my plus-size mommy body, having attitude helps me to fight the fear of looking like... a mom? Is that terrible? Is it even avoidable when you've got some weight to lose, and are 30 or older?

But I think I still have to grow it out, because doing something (mostly) just because it's against the grain is lame. I don't like to gauge my style around what most people around me are doing, for or against. I'm just taking it too dang seriously, because really, I'M the only one who mostly cares what I look like anyways... why does it matter??