Saturday, November 29, 2008

Clap your hands if you believe in faeries!


So, I realize this is my own conclusion I've come to.... and you can agree with it, or not. (Obviously, this is a disclaimer to reading my blog--I take full responsibility for my crazy ideas and conclusions, and in no way state them as gospel truths).

I believe that the LDS church is set up to be a great system: distributing responsibility. The chain of command is thus: the Prophet has men under him, those men have helpers, and so on until it gets to the Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers, etc. And the inspiration, of course, (if you believe, obviously), comes from God on down to the Prophet and continues until it reaches each member (hopefullly).

So, if this is the inspired way of doing things, why would the natural world be any different? One poses the question of the distributed responsibility down the line so that every SPARROW that falls is noticed and reported. This is definitely something I like... My conclusion is that there are nature spirits and angels and other helpers, i.e. faeries, etc. that help God take care of this gorgeous planet we live on.

Just a thought. So, yes, I do believe in faeries. And I like that spelling, too. :P

Monday, November 24, 2008

A creative day???

I've got a couple projects on my Christmas list. For the boy:

A very LARGE teepee to go in the backyard. I've got my mom's old pattern, and can I tell you, we wore that thing OUT!!! I'm excited. I'm not sure if I'll be putting any patches or pictures on it, but we'll see.

For the girl:

A homemade large plush doll with interchangeable outfits. I'm planning on using old vintage fabric to make the outfits, plus aprons, clothes, cute bunny and bear hats, and the like.

I really am excited about not buying a whole lot of store stuff. That's boring, not to mention expensive.

*****

On another note, we have a fairy door along the back wall in our backyard. I'm sure that gnomes and brownies frequent it as well. I want to decorate it with bells and fairy things...



We also have started a compost pile!! We had such a large pile of leaves from the backyard, (and that's not even all of them!) that we decided to throw them into the old dog kennel back there and start it for next spring. It'll be great!!

I love how our backyard looks so "Sleepy Hollow-ish...".


*****

Another interesting discovery:

I LOVE Turmeric. Did anyone know it's got some GREAT (newly discovered) health properties such as keeping cancer and Alzheimer's at bay? Sweet, eh? Not to mention it tastes awesome on just about everything. It's the spice that makes curry so electric-yellowish. Mmmmm....

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Vintage + Modern Inspiration = Comfort in Your Own Skin?

I am absolutely ADORING this girl's blog:
The Black Apple

I LOVE everything she wears and creates... so inspiring!! I think I'm going to purge my wardrobe today.

I've decided that, aside from shoes and socks/tights, buying anything new is against my idea of green (vintage is the embodiment of green), and getting closer to my real style... Because while I like some of the new stuff I see at Target and online, it's hard to know if I'll like it in 10 years when that style has drifted off somewhere in the DO NOT WEAR ether. But if it's vintage, or at the very least inspired by vintage, I can tell if it'll stand the test of time.

I WISH SO MUCH that we had more around this little town besides the good ol' D.I.

Next up for purchase (definitely something I have a lack of) are some good, stompin' boots that I can wear with anything. So far, I haven't found the boots of my dreams yet... still looking. I hope I'll find them before Christmas!

I've also decided to throw out any fingernail polish with any kind of glitter/irridescence (sp?) to it, because they look too modern, and actually last quite a bit less than their creme counterparts. Not to mention I've been obsessed with just red creme fingernails and toenails... makes me think of the old china dolls my mom had growing up and kept for us kids to see (never to play with - kept in their original containers). So precious...

Now if I can just get my hair to grow, maybe I'll start looking like a girl again?

Friday, November 21, 2008

Donovan....

OOooohh... I NEED this music...

Found while obsessing over Bat for Lashes (http://wwwmyspace.com/batforlashes)

http://www.myspace.com/birdengine

http://www.myspace.com/benchristophers

http://www.myspace.com/carolineweeks

http://www.myspace.com/elizabethwalling

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Magick, Meditation and Mistakes

A word regarding semantics...

I like the word "magick". Yes, I know, it probably makes some peoples' stomachs turn. But I also equate prayer, positive thinking, healing, meditation and blessings in the same vein. It's the little girl in me that likes princesses and dragons that likes this specific word, and it's my way of basically coloring my religious understanding so it resonates with me. If you've ever seen the movie "The Secret", you'll know exactly what I mean. You can basically call it whatever you want, it's the way the Lord set it up to work - the Law of Abraham. Thoughts become Things. "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." If your heart is focused on something, you will surely call it to you. It fascinates me to NO END how much this happens in my life, if I analyze it. When I let my thoughts ruminate about depression or negative things, I just definitely get more of the same. Vice versa for the positive.... and it's pretty incredible. I just find that I become excited and giddy and enthusiastic about it if I think of it as magic. It's only a word, peeps. I know that if I didn't allow myself to link to spirituality in my own way, I wouldn't be AT ALL interested in the church I belong to. So,... yea. It's the same with different words for God - Allah, Elohim, Jehovah, IAO, I am, you get the drift.

I also like ghosts and spirits. Part of the reason I do is, well, it's a bit thrilling (in the same little-girl mindset). But the main reason I like hearing stories and tales of the spirit world is that it keeps my mind more focused on the hereafter. I know it's lame... but I get too wrapped up in stupid things in this world, and it annoys me. I sometimes wish I could see beyond the veil into the realms that surround us, because I think I would have a much better remembrance of the things that really matter... I'm such a visual person. Too much, I think.

That said, I also like the physicality that rituals contain... because the physicality connects the spiritual ritual with our physical bodies and environment... It gives it more solidity in our minds and thus becomes more potent because of it.

Don't think for a moment that I'm trying to preach at any one... this is my blog to get my thoughts out, and ... I'm not of ANY position to act as if I know better than anyone. It's just nice to have a venue to throw my thoughts into, and to hopefully better understand my beliefs and my world by solidifying these thoughts.

If I'm freaking anyone out, well, then... sorry. But I've decided recently that I'm not into saving face anymore... I want to be more open and honest. And if that loses me some friends or loses their trust, so be it. I grew up feeling that SAVING FACE was everything.... and it's probably going to take me the rest of my life to not worry about what people think of me. So, believe it or not, this blog is one way for me to do that without actually saying things out loud, because people terrify me. No, my assumptions of what they're thinking about me terrify me.

For those who may not know me that well, I was pregnant when I got married. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody's perfect. And yes, while we shouldn't be waving our imperfections in peoples' faces, pretending they don't exist can cause a lot of hurt.

Now, I know that I've made (and will make) a lot of mistakes as a mom, but I want my children to know that it's OK to mess up, that I have, and that it is what this life is about. The main thing is that we learn from them and move on, becoming better, happier and more than we thought possible. We HAVE to allow mistakes. Mistakes are the black to the success's white. Without the black, how will we recognize the white when it happens? Or even appreciate it? This, actually, is one of the reasons I'm really into black and white lately: a visual reminder that this polarity is essential for spiritual understanding and growth.

Wow. I'm rambling A LOT. Sorry. :)
Goodnight!

Thoughts I like regarding Salt

"When there is trouble in your house, sprinkle salt in all corners of all rooms, sweep up the salt the next morning and throw it (and your troubles) in front of the house."

"Crazy people eat a lot of salt."

-from Superstitions: 10,000 You Really Need


"Today, there are such expressions as "taking things with a pinch of salt", or "with a grain of salt". The meaning being, one must not believe all and everything but must instead use wisdom and through that come to wise assessments and conclusions."


References to salt in history (religious and otherwise) have linked salt with many attributes, including purification, banishment of evil or negativity, wisdom, a symbol of friendship, covenant making and sacrifice (even used in purifying anointment oils in the Old Testament) and peace.

I may be crazy (I like eating a lot of sea salt), but I also like the attributes linked with it.

I started sprinkling a line of salt in front of my doorways the other week. I like thinking that it keeps any negativity out, and enhances friendship and peace within.

Of course, many things in my belief system provide and maintain peace, but this is one I want to focus on today.

Any thoughts?

Dreaming....

Had random multiple dreams that my husband was wearing the sexiest pinstriped suit.... I giggled and hung on him throughout the dreams... :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A recurring thought to myself

"The wise man built his house upon a rock... .... .... the rains came down and the floods came up..... .... .... and the house on the rock stood still."



I LOVE this song. Mainly because in this day and age, we don't have a time when we're NOT surrounded by floods and rains... and unfortunately, we're surrounded by much more than that.



So, if we slightly change this analogy, it could be our foundations are built brick by brick throughout our lives. I know mine has been. (Oh--and the houses? They were given to us at birth by loving Heavenly parents.)


Well, what if a few of the biggest bricks have crumbled?



Good question. Two options:



1: Remove your house from the foundation and search for a better one.

2: Find some better, stronger bricks and replace the old ones, VERY carefully.


A couple years ago, I chose the first option. Problem was, it was a dumb choice. I was completely freefalling... my house had NO foundation, floating in space, and there were storms aplenty. And, guess what? There were No foundations to be found anywhere that weren't already inhabited. Apparently, you have to start from scratch. I decided to retreat back to the old one, and believe that one day I would fill in those gaping holes. I have been all the better for it. And sometimes, I find a VERY COLORFUL brick to temporarily fill in a hole or two. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The thing I remind myself is, I'll probably be changing out every single brick by the time I'm dead. I hope it turns out to be the most colorful, interesting, solid foundation I can make, because I sure need it. I NEED the color, I NEED the solidity, and I need the ... interesting aspect as well.


It's scary when people leave their own foundation, refuse to return, it crumbles, and then they get pissed off at the people who still have foundations; trying to tear other peoples' down. Is that really going to help your situation? Why don't you start building a new one?

Ode to CHOCOLATE & P.J.


Indulging in my new favorite chocolate, Lindt Creations 70% Cacao Cherry & Chili - Dark chocolate with chocolate mousse and cherry & chili filling. Mmmmmm....

It makes me think of my first time hanging out with my hubby. We saw the movie "Chocolat", where the chocolate in the story was spiced with (I think) cayenne pepper (fitting, if you know my hubby - he needs to carry a vial of the stuff around his neck because he puts it on EVERYTHING). And in the movie, it was forbidden because it made people... ahem... "Inspired". I've started taking it in capsule form daily for my circulation and body temperature (I'm constantly cold).

Speaking of, Cayenne was one of the favorite herbs of Joseph Smith, according to the book "Joseph Smith and Herbal Medicine". FASCINATING read, if you ever get the chance. I was given a printed manuscript of the book (it's out of print) by my good friend, "Eglantine". She's an absolutely AMAZING girl, constantly inspiring me to think more spiritually about everything around me.

I'm also listening to this absolutely AMAZING album:





Monday, November 17, 2008

MY SUPER OFFICIAL STANCE ON PROP. 8

I am going to use an analogy. (I can see your eyes rolling, and I really don't care.)

Imagine you have a piece of paper in your right hand. It has two sides-- one white, one black. Very distinct. Choose whichever one suits your fancy. Make it represent your vote, had you been lucky enough to take part. Or choose whichever color is your favorite.

Now, imagine you have a racquetball in your left hand. This represents HUMAN EQUALITY.

YOUR JOB (AND EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON IT) IS TO COMPLETELY COVER THIS BALL WITH PAPER. But which side to use? You're MORE than welcome to complain and organize, donate your money and time, rally, devise phone trees.... ALL to focus on which color of paper will be showing on the outside. I think this is a waste, personally. But, if you've already decided which side YOU like, use it.

Go ahead and try... wrap that piece of paper around it-- crumple it up beforehand, maybe that'll make it work better. Did it work? Well, not completely, and not without some tiny cracks that won't smoothly fit.

Guess what? It'll never work unless you employ a breakdown of the actual piece of paper.

Did you ever make homemade paper in school out of other paper? You have to shred the starter paper, soak it in a mixture of glue and water. Imagine if you did THAT with this piece of paper. Now, imagine you actually cover this ball in this mess of paper pulp. You let it dry. NOW, it actually covers EVERY nook and cranny of this 3-D ball. SUCCESS!!

Tell me, what color is the paper covering on the ball? THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S GRAY. This is a GRAY matter.

This piece of paper actually represents ALL of humanity. It doesn't matter which side you're on, because we're all inextricably linked to the other. We all inhabit the same damn planet, and if you want to ignore, hate on or squelch out the other side, that's completely your right. But it doesn't bring us closer to our goal of equality for ALL humanity. We NEED each other, because we all have a right to be here, with equal rights and opportunities. We're all part of the same piece of paper, and we NEED each other to have success in this. Paper genocide is not an option - You can't slice this piece of paper width-wise.

The ONLY way we're going to cover this ball of equality is with a complete and utter breakdown of the process-- THROUGH LOVE AND LISTENING AND COMPROMISE - to find anything close to success.

We DO NOT live in a 2-Dimensional world. It is (arguably) even more than 3 dimensions, so why do we get angry and upset when our 2-Dimensional thought won't solve the issue?

This situation needs MUCH more than a two-sided, un-merciful proposition.

You're more than welcome to call me a fence sitter. But I like to think bigger than two sides, call me crazy.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Today, I encountered a very Mormon take on Prop 8.... it was pretty one-sided, and uncaring... that 'fence-sitting Mormons should be excommunicated', not to mention a couple of random rude queer jokes. I understand your point of view, but pious, vicious jokes are seriously of bad taste. These are human beings you're speaking of-- and people who just want to be treated fairly. It's no wonder they're offended - the select few homophobic people make comments like this and think it's no big deal. WELL, IT IS. These 'Queers' you speak of are my spirit brothers and sisters, and we are all linked to each other. Be an example, not a hatemonger.

I am one who actually is torn on this terribly painful issue... I would like to call myself an empath. There are innumerable facets to every story, issue and problem-- and the older I get, and the more people I am blessed enough to speak to, the more I realize that I will never know the whole story. Only God knows. Thus, I will never be completely DONE learning, I will never be completely decided on one issue, I will never stop looking for another side of the issues I care about. When I am done, I am damned. Literally... because it means an end. Stagnation. Nonprogression. No THANK you.

YES, I realize that our prophet has put his support for Prop 8 . But NO, that doesn't mean we should follow blindly. EVERYTHING in our gospel is up for prayer and personal revelation, and just because someone's heart does not agree with it, it doesn't mean they should be excommunicated. I have a great love and respect for people of all faiths, lifestyles and beliefs, and I also trust that the Lord is in control of our country... not politicians. Thus, I actually lean to the left A BIT on it, and wish that the church had not taken such a strong stance. Is love actually the MAIN basis of our gospel, or is it controlling society by mans' standards? Are we putting our trust in the arm of the flesh (the government) or the arm of God? And what kind of an example does this set for nonmembers? I really don't think this is going to bring a lot of interest to the church, nor will it help anything.

* * * * *

On another note, I found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant! It's her first, and she's an absolute ANGEL, so I'm very excited for her. So, in honor of her, here's to my best friends who've been blessed as mothers:



* * * * *

I was blessed to be visited by two friends from my past this week, and had some great conversations with both of them. One (We'll call her Evaline) is a very open-minded intellectual who was my best friend growing up, and who spends her time with other LDS intellectuals and philosophers. She constantly questions things and isn't afraid to research. She's lucky enough to live on the other side of the country, where things are WAY different. The LDS community is open about everything, sometimes even pray to Heavenly Mother in Sacrament meeting, talk about many deeply hush-hush issues, and are very accepting. Evaline pointed me in the way of an exceptional blog, http://motherlovergoddess.blogspot.com. She also really stressed that I read "Rough Stone Rolling", and that I check out the Sunstone website. I didn't realize how much I missed her until she played some music of hers for me, and I started crying. She and I grew up writing music, singing, and drawing together. All of our talents are so similar and comparable, I know it was no coincidence in us meeting. I wish Evaline were here more often, but she's happy in the life of a single business woman in D.C., and thriving.

The other friend who visited we'll call "Ella". She was an old roommate, very low-key, relaxed and giggly. She also traveled a lot, hiked, had the cutest short blonde hair, and loved butterflies. Such a fun person to be around. She's got two beautiful, adopted children, a husband she loves dearly, and a new home. She also struggles with her weight (like me) but is beautiful nonetheless. Her father is a general authority for the church, and we talked about some of the Prop. 8 issues. She's quite conservative, but very understanding that people think otherwise. A very good example. I mentioned to her that there were some doctrinal questions I had, and she asked me to pose one for her. I decided to ask her about her thoughts on the Temple rituals being changed (referring to Wilford Woodruff's warning of the church being corrupt if this ever happened). She got excited, because apparently it was something she struggled with a while ago-- so much so that she cried to her father about it. He responded to her with a very interesting answer, one that I would never have come up with. He said, "Look at it this way: it's not a GOOD thing that these things were changed. The members of the church are becoming more corrupt, and can't handle some of the responsibilities given in the temple. It's for our protection, but it's not a good thing. It's a sign of the times." WOW. I was stunned when she told me that.

I have SO much more on my mind, but it's 12:30, and I've got to get some sleep. I'll post more later--THANK YOU for reading!!

Because I'm sick of being told what to believe.

This blog is meant to cure me from the louder voices around me. I am sick of being yanked, pulled and expected to conform to other people's lives, religious views, assumptions and beliefs.

As an ADULT who is WELL past childhood, I have every right to the views that I have. And if you think I'm deluded, misguided, bigoted or flighty, you're entitled to your opinion. But this blog is to show that I really don't care what you think anymore.